Depression
like a roller coaster stopping sickeningly at the top
before plunging to the depths below
screaming in my head
writhing to stay on top of the pain
feeling it pulse beneath the surface
tearing gouging
waiting to take me down
judgements like small knifes piercing my skin
I bleed but I dont cry
tied to a cross of my own making
the sinner
Pariah
Flirting with my own self destruction
laughing cause I dont care
everyone with their answers their quick fixes
as if it should be so easy
refusing even to name my pain
keep your answers your fixes
your scarlet letter judgements
what do you really know about me
the thrill this darkness brings
feeling totally alive while destroying my soul
I couldn't see your hand reaching out if I wanted to
I can't see and
you can't help
9/30/2001
About Me
- Beautiful Chaos
- I am a 32 year old woman, married with 2 beautiful daughters. My writing is often brutally honest,as is life and may contain content not suitable to some viewers. If you are easily shockable this may not be the page for you. However, I must state that not everything you read on here is about my life, some is fiction, or things I have witnessed others go through. Sharing is often difficult as it is a personal look at my inner soul; if you are good at discerning such things you can see me for who I truly am, not the me I present to the world. There is no order to the writing, the new is mixed with the old,the pain with the love, tis truly chaos. Reading over my blog I suddenly realized that I must sound like a damn junkie. For the record, yes I did inhale, in high school, which is the only time in my life I used drugs recreationally. My father however, was addicted to crystal meth from his teenage years till his death in his late twenties. I am quite familiar with drug addiction and its effects. I did play pretty hard with alcohol abuse though, for a couple years and probably came within a hair's width of full blown physiological addiction, and much of my writing does address that.
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