An Open Letter

Sat down to write about us tonight
try to work through some of this bullshit pain
ended up with a string of "lajdlfhaslkdfhakjjdhfkajhf"
and a pile of crumpled paper at my feet
How to explain this loss
the hows and whys
I dont even understand it yet
I must first
sort through the us
from the start
marinate my brain with memories
of what made us what we were
and what we eventually became
how you came to mean all you meant
and why there was no other answer
why all of this has to be so fucking hard
and who is to blame
I dont know how to make you see how desperately sorry I am
If it helps to know I am hurting
I am..sad in ways you wouldnt believe
I know it will get easier
that time will bring closure
but the bridge from here to there looks eternal
must to far to walk on foot
and I am so tired
Just know this
It was not a journey I wanted
not the path I would have chosen
for we had a special love a special friendship
for a time so deeply connected
and I wont let goodbye take that from me
You will matter in my heart for always
I will carry your memory long after time has taken
your face
your voice
and
my heart.