This is a poem that I wrote in 2001, when I was finally struggling with my feelings over my father's abuse, alcoholism and drug addiction, and ultimate suicide. It was published that same year.
Daddy
The branch my mind stumbles on when I try to move forward
The mental abberation that unknowingly guides my path
The ghost that haunts me from the grave
Daddy
The past
The pain
The rage
The love
He held my little hands and helped me learn to walk
He awoke me at night with the screams of my stepmother
And the sounds of thuds and slaps
He carried me and told me he would die for me
He jaded me with scenes of madness and growing addiction
With his hands and a guitar he made music that brought tears to my childhood eyes
With his hands and a gun he took his life one cold January night
Forever proving my unworthiness
I love you
I hate you
I miss you
Crystal French
Copyright 2001
About Me
- Beautiful Chaos
- I am a 32 year old woman, married with 2 beautiful daughters. My writing is often brutally honest,as is life and may contain content not suitable to some viewers. If you are easily shockable this may not be the page for you. However, I must state that not everything you read on here is about my life, some is fiction, or things I have witnessed others go through. Sharing is often difficult as it is a personal look at my inner soul; if you are good at discerning such things you can see me for who I truly am, not the me I present to the world. There is no order to the writing, the new is mixed with the old,the pain with the love, tis truly chaos. Reading over my blog I suddenly realized that I must sound like a damn junkie. For the record, yes I did inhale, in high school, which is the only time in my life I used drugs recreationally. My father however, was addicted to crystal meth from his teenage years till his death in his late twenties. I am quite familiar with drug addiction and its effects. I did play pretty hard with alcohol abuse though, for a couple years and probably came within a hair's width of full blown physiological addiction, and much of my writing does address that.
2 comments:
Very good. It's hard to find words worthy of commenting on such true, personal, touching works. You are an incredible writer.
While it's even harder to write, it's not easy for most to read...those that haven't endured abuse don't want to accept that it happens, while those that have often can't or won't deal with it. You so brave!:(
Post a Comment